When you find yourself in a relationship with another person be yourself-the real, true you. In fact, always be the real true you to live a healthy and happy life.
What about the other person? Hopefully they are being who they really are when they are around you. Do you give them the freedom to be who they really are? Do you accept them no matter how they are and how they are not, what they say or don't say, no matter what they do or don't do-do you love them?
Do you notice I don't talk about unconditional love? There is no such thing as unconditional love. You either love or you don't love. When you bring in a condition and say something like, "I love you when you bring me flowers." But at other times, if they do something you don't see as good, do you turn off your love? Can you turn love on and off? Would you withdraw it and then give it back? Love is unconditional. Anything else is not love.
If you want to feel love from someone else then you need to give love. Whatever you want to bring into your life, whatever you want to have or to feel from others-give that thing or feeling away to others. You don't have to tell them. Just send it to them. Be happy for them. Wish them well. In addition to (unconditional) love, you need to honor and respect yourself first so you are then able to offer both to other people.
It doesn't really matter if the other person is your spouse, your partner, your child, your family, your friend or a stranger. People are people. And all people crave love, understanding, appreciation, honoring and respect. All people deserve to feel all those feelings-just because they exist.
If you do not love, understand, appreciate, honor and respect yourself-why not? How do you treat yourself? How are you training others to treat you? Do you accept anything less from others in their treatment of you? Whatever you accept is what you will get.
If there is something you don't like in a behavior from another person, number one, let them know that is not acceptable behavior to you at the moment they do it. That feeling is not something you hold inside, and stew over and think to yourself, "Well, if he loves me then he'll change."
Life does not happen that way. You accept the behaviors that are okay with you. Anything else, if the person won't stop them when you express the fact that those behaviors bother you, then it is time for that person to leave your world.
You don't need to allow every person into your world. You get to choose who comes into your world. And you get to choose who stays in your world. And you know what? As you grow and change, the people you attract and the people who leave your world-you will see a constant flow of people coming into your life and people leaving your life. And some people will hang around for always. Those people know the real you. And they know you accept them as they really are.
Real people experience real and successful relationships.
By Ali Bierman
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